Donald Trump responded to an ad in the paper for President of the United States. The ad read: Wanted, a strong self-motivated individual with proven leadership skills. Successful applicant must have excellent communication and negotiation skills. Potential candidates must have the ability to travel and work long hours. Prior public speaking a plus. Qualified applicants can send resumes to whitehousepersonnel.gov.
After reviewing Mr. Trump’s application, he was invited to interview. Applicants were narrowed down to just two. The other applicant was prior Secretary of State, Hillary Rodham-Clinton. While her resume did not meet the position qualifications, she was granted an interview because she claimed she “deserved” the job because she is a woman.
The Interview:
Mr. Trump: “I think I have an idea what the job entails. Would you mind telling me more?”
Washington: “As you know, the job is for President of the United States. You need to know, should you be selected, that no one on the Left will like you and in fact at least 150 million people will hate you. The position is a four year term with the opportunity to renew your contract for an additional four years based on your performance. As President, you’ll need to secure peace in the Middle East which will include convincing Iran to cease their nuclear program. You will also be charged with the responsibility of removing any and all nuclear capabilities currently enjoyed by North Korea. Worldwide trade has been out of balance for the past 50 years; fixing this will fall under your office’s responsibility. Domestically, during your term, the country will expect you to secure our borders, stop terrorism, solve the on-going immigration problem and develop a new healthcare program that is both affordable and effective. As part of your employment you will be challenged to create millions of new jobs, reduce taxes, rebuild our military and once and for all see to the proper care of our veterans.”
Mr. Trump: “I see, thank you for that. What type of staff can I expect to have?”
Washington: “Well, of course you’ll have the usual department heads reporting to you. In fairness, we should tell you that you will have to fight for each one of your nominations. The current head of the FBI and several of his assistants have made clear that they don’t like you and will do everything in their power to undermine you. In your cover letter you noted that your pick for the Department of Justice would be current Senator Jeff Sessions. That is fine, however he will recuse himself from the Russia collusion investigation.”
Trump: “Russia collusion investigation?”
Washington: “Yes. Once we announced that you were one of the two applicants, the FBI Director informed us that they would be investigating you for possible collusion with Russia. Will that be a problem Mr. Trump?”
Trump: “There’s been no collusion so I am a little confused by this but, no problem, I like challenges.”
Washington: “We should tell you that the Left has made it clear, that if you are chosen for this job, they will make every effort to impeach you. Are there any other questions we can answer for you Mr. Trump?”
Trump: “Impeach me; on what grounds?”
Washington: “Funny you should ask. We asked the same thing. After listening to them for over two hours, this committee has determined that the only grounds that they have is that they don’t like you and want the other applicant.”
Trump: “Interesting. May I ask who the other applicant is?”
Washington: “She has asked us to keep that confidential.”
Trump: “You do realize that she is the biggest liar, maybe ever, right?”
Washington: “To whom you are referring?”
Trump: “It’s not important. I appreciate the time you’ve spent with me this afternoon. Tell me, what does the job pay?”
Washington: “It depends. If the job goes to the other applicant we expect it will cost us our nation. What will it take to get you on the team?”
Trump: “The job sounds challenging, interesting and I really love the people I’d be working for. I’d do the job for free. Would that be of interest to you?”
Washington: “Free? You mean that you’ll take the job without being paid anything?”
Trump: “Yes, that’s what I mean. My payment will be the personal satisfaction I would get by fixing everything that is broken and in Making America Great Again.”
Washington: “You’re hired. When can you start?”
President Trump: “I already have.”